Click the link below for an interview with Ben about his soap bet
http://www.thewizofodds.com/the_wiz_of_odds/2010/10/wiz-podcast-ben-mussmann-the-soap-eating-fan.html
Thanks for the shout out to the No Option Tailgaters at the end Benny!
Showing posts with label Mussmann. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mussmann. Show all posts
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Reader Emails, 00:01, and Soap
This week I’ll be answering a few of the countless emails I’ve received from our blog readers over the last few weeks. Thanks for all your support and keep sending me your questions and feedback. On to the emails…
Q: Does Taylor Martinez actually have a shot at the Heisman?
-- Craig, Lincoln, NE
BM: Yep. But not this year. He is going to make a few too many mistakes in 2010. However, T-Magic is a shoo-in for El Trofeo Jeisman (or as we call it here in the States, the Latino Heisman).
Q: Hey douchebag, how come you didn’t post a rant before the KSU game? It’s not like you had an extra fricken week to do so.
-- Mike, Omaha, NE
BM: I was on vacation with your mom.
Q: A buddy of mine, who was born and raised in Elkhorn, NE and is a life-long Husker fan, recently decided to attend UT for college. Is it within my rights, as a fellow Nebraskan, to light his car on fire?
--LaMarcus, Omaha, NE
BM: Umm…you see…I can’t say that I really blame your friend. Austin, TX is a FANTASTIC town. I absolutely love visiting there and would move to Austin in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself. I just got back from Austin City Limits Music Festival (3 days, 8 stages, over 130 bands) and had a blast, despite all the dirty hippies (or maybe because of all the dirty hippies?). So I would say torching his car would be a no-no. However, you could nail his girlfriend a few times after he leaves for Austin. That’d be fair.
Q: Do Texas fans think Mac Brown is a better coach than Bo Pelini?
--Jebediah, Santa Cruz, CA
BM: That is a good fucking question. I can’t imagine they would ever admit it…but I bet deep down they know that both Stoops and Bo are smarter, better coaches. Hell of a talker that Mac Brown though. I actually enjoy listening to him and his goofy-ass drawl and can see why parents send their kids off to play for him. So as a figurehead leader…Mac is probably better than either of his two rivals. If I were the University of Texas, I’d give Mac an honorary doctorates degree…that way he could go by Doc Brown and could charm recruits by spouting gems like … “Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.”
Q: Do you think Texas’s consecutive losses will have an impact on how the Huskers view this game? Could there be a tiny bit less motivation for Nebraska? And how do you like your chances in the soap bet?
--Lt. James Clark, US Marine Corps, Kabul, Afghanistan
BM: Lt. Clark, first of all I’d like to thank you for writing in all the way from Afghanistan. I really appreciate you and what you are doing for our country. God Bless America. But sir, what makes you think that, just because you are in the armed services, that you get to ask 3 fucking questions? Do you know how many emails I get? Do you know how lucky people are to get just one question answered by me? Obviously not. Oh well…just this once I’ll answer your questions. Just don’t bother writing in again, okay?
Anyway…do you really think Bo Pelini cares that Texas has lost 2 straight? You think Watson cares? Carl? The team? Nope. None of them care. To them, this game is still about 00:01. It’s still about unfinished business. It’s still about Nebraska taking the next step. We will be focused. We will be poised. We will be determined. If our rookie QB and our untested offense struggle on Saturday (very possible), I think the Blackshirts will still find a way to win this game. The 10 point spread is justified (and smart betters will give the points). We have the better team. We have the home crowd. We have the momentum, the focus, and the motivation. So don’t compare this to Alabama vs South Carolina. This one is a done deal. This mofo will not be eating soap.
Q: Does Taylor Martinez actually have a shot at the Heisman?
-- Craig, Lincoln, NE
BM: Yep. But not this year. He is going to make a few too many mistakes in 2010. However, T-Magic is a shoo-in for El Trofeo Jeisman (or as we call it here in the States, the Latino Heisman).
Q: Hey douchebag, how come you didn’t post a rant before the KSU game? It’s not like you had an extra fricken week to do so.
-- Mike, Omaha, NE
BM: I was on vacation with your mom.
Q: A buddy of mine, who was born and raised in Elkhorn, NE and is a life-long Husker fan, recently decided to attend UT for college. Is it within my rights, as a fellow Nebraskan, to light his car on fire?
--LaMarcus, Omaha, NE
BM: Umm…you see…I can’t say that I really blame your friend. Austin, TX is a FANTASTIC town. I absolutely love visiting there and would move to Austin in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself. I just got back from Austin City Limits Music Festival (3 days, 8 stages, over 130 bands) and had a blast, despite all the dirty hippies (or maybe because of all the dirty hippies?). So I would say torching his car would be a no-no. However, you could nail his girlfriend a few times after he leaves for Austin. That’d be fair.
Q: Do Texas fans think Mac Brown is a better coach than Bo Pelini?
--Jebediah, Santa Cruz, CA
BM: That is a good fucking question. I can’t imagine they would ever admit it…but I bet deep down they know that both Stoops and Bo are smarter, better coaches. Hell of a talker that Mac Brown though. I actually enjoy listening to him and his goofy-ass drawl and can see why parents send their kids off to play for him. So as a figurehead leader…Mac is probably better than either of his two rivals. If I were the University of Texas, I’d give Mac an honorary doctorates degree…that way he could go by Doc Brown and could charm recruits by spouting gems like … “Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.”
Q: Do you think Texas’s consecutive losses will have an impact on how the Huskers view this game? Could there be a tiny bit less motivation for Nebraska? And how do you like your chances in the soap bet?
--Lt. James Clark, US Marine Corps, Kabul, Afghanistan
BM: Lt. Clark, first of all I’d like to thank you for writing in all the way from Afghanistan. I really appreciate you and what you are doing for our country. God Bless America. But sir, what makes you think that, just because you are in the armed services, that you get to ask 3 fucking questions? Do you know how many emails I get? Do you know how lucky people are to get just one question answered by me? Obviously not. Oh well…just this once I’ll answer your questions. Just don’t bother writing in again, okay?
Anyway…do you really think Bo Pelini cares that Texas has lost 2 straight? You think Watson cares? Carl? The team? Nope. None of them care. To them, this game is still about 00:01. It’s still about unfinished business. It’s still about Nebraska taking the next step. We will be focused. We will be poised. We will be determined. If our rookie QB and our untested offense struggle on Saturday (very possible), I think the Blackshirts will still find a way to win this game. The 10 point spread is justified (and smart betters will give the points). We have the better team. We have the home crowd. We have the momentum, the focus, and the motivation. So don’t compare this to Alabama vs South Carolina. This one is a done deal. This mofo will not be eating soap.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
The Rail Scenario
I think Alabama is going to have another undefeated regular season. Probably Ohio State too. Boise for sure. Cool huh? Wait…that’s not cool at all. What if a Big 12 team goes undefeated? Three BCS teams and one sexy Cinderella all undefeated? Shouldn’t that be the makings of the greatest climax for a college football season ever? Yeppers, but its not. Actually it would be the opposite. An anticlimactic bunch of horseshit is what that would be.
Obviously Boise gets left out (no BSU sympathy from me...play a schedule Boise State…play a schedule). I’d have to guess that a decent majority would want to see Alabama v Ohio State as the NC matchup. Those are a couple of powerhouse programs in powerhouse conferences, so one can hardly argue with that. Well f*** that! I’ll argue with that. Whoa whoa whoa…don’t tell me to settle down!! Don’t tell me it’s too early in the season to start talking about the possibility that 3 BCS teams go undefeated. Don't tell me that somebody always pulls a late season upset. Don’t tell me that I shouldn’t wear a colored t-shirt underneath my button down when I go out on the weekends…I don’t care what GQ told you. Fine, I’ll wear white undershirts, but goddammit, I’m not going to chill out about the stupid BCS.
One of these days it is going to happen. It has to. Someday there will be three deserving teams with unblemished records. And that will be the day when an entire fan base flips the f*** out. If that fan base is Nebraska…oh man oh man…how much of a stomach punch would that be? Actually it wouldn’t be a stomach punch at all. It’d be more like one of those YouTube clips where the skateboarding teenager is grinding a rail, biffs it, and takes it right in the gouch. You press play. You see what is going on. You know he is going to eat it. You do your best to turn your head before the pain. Ewwwww…ouchhhh…right in the gouch.
Hold on…this is acceptable to the powers that be? It would be acceptable for NU (or UT or OU) to go undefeated in the Big 12 and get the shaft? It is acceptable that EVERY SINGLE college football fan would be enraged at the process? THAT IS ACCEPTABLE??? C’mon. Really? That is an acceptable end to a college football season? Get the f*** out of here. That is not acceptable.
This is not a pro-playoff rant. It’s an anti-rail-to-the-gouch rant. 16-team playoff? Fine. Not my cup of tea, but fine. 8-team playoff? Getting better. 4-team playoff (the plus one)? Now we’re talking. But if we absolutely can’t accomplish any of these formats, then how about we just fix the rail-gouch scenario? Build in a contingency plan that says if, and only if, 3 or more BCS teams finish the season undefeated, we add a game and figure this shit out on the field. How tough is that? Who does that hurt?
If the nightmare scenario (which really should be the money scenario) happens this year, it will be pandemonium. ESPN will be unwatchable. Sports talk radio will be unlistenable. Cocoa Puffs will be untasteable. It will be miserable. Even if it isn’t the Cornhuskers taking the rail, it will be miserable. WHY OH WHY CAN’T THEY AVOID THIS VERY POSIBLE DISASTER???
Corp of Engineers: We built you a nice levy.
New Orleanian: It is a nice levy. I love the levy.
Corp of Engineers: Yep…it’ll hold against most hurricanes.
New Orleanian: Most?
Corp of Engineers: Yeah, just not the really big ones.
New Orleanian: Is it possible that a big one will come?
Corp of Engineers: Well someday…yeah…for sure.
New Orleanian: Well what will happen if a big one comes?
Corp of Engineers: Total collapse. Total disaster. Total pandemonium. Rail to the gouch.
New Orleanian: Can’t we make the levy stronger?
Corp of Engineers: Well sure…I guess. But why don’t we just wait and see what happens. I mean so far, so good…right?
New Orleanian: You're f***ing loony, aren’t you? You have no concept of reality. I mean, you really are dumber than shit.
Obviously Boise gets left out (no BSU sympathy from me...play a schedule Boise State…play a schedule). I’d have to guess that a decent majority would want to see Alabama v Ohio State as the NC matchup. Those are a couple of powerhouse programs in powerhouse conferences, so one can hardly argue with that. Well f*** that! I’ll argue with that. Whoa whoa whoa…don’t tell me to settle down!! Don’t tell me it’s too early in the season to start talking about the possibility that 3 BCS teams go undefeated. Don't tell me that somebody always pulls a late season upset. Don’t tell me that I shouldn’t wear a colored t-shirt underneath my button down when I go out on the weekends…I don’t care what GQ told you. Fine, I’ll wear white undershirts, but goddammit, I’m not going to chill out about the stupid BCS.
One of these days it is going to happen. It has to. Someday there will be three deserving teams with unblemished records. And that will be the day when an entire fan base flips the f*** out. If that fan base is Nebraska…oh man oh man…how much of a stomach punch would that be? Actually it wouldn’t be a stomach punch at all. It’d be more like one of those YouTube clips where the skateboarding teenager is grinding a rail, biffs it, and takes it right in the gouch. You press play. You see what is going on. You know he is going to eat it. You do your best to turn your head before the pain. Ewwwww…ouchhhh…right in the gouch.
Hold on…this is acceptable to the powers that be? It would be acceptable for NU (or UT or OU) to go undefeated in the Big 12 and get the shaft? It is acceptable that EVERY SINGLE college football fan would be enraged at the process? THAT IS ACCEPTABLE??? C’mon. Really? That is an acceptable end to a college football season? Get the f*** out of here. That is not acceptable.
This is not a pro-playoff rant. It’s an anti-rail-to-the-gouch rant. 16-team playoff? Fine. Not my cup of tea, but fine. 8-team playoff? Getting better. 4-team playoff (the plus one)? Now we’re talking. But if we absolutely can’t accomplish any of these formats, then how about we just fix the rail-gouch scenario? Build in a contingency plan that says if, and only if, 3 or more BCS teams finish the season undefeated, we add a game and figure this shit out on the field. How tough is that? Who does that hurt?
If the nightmare scenario (which really should be the money scenario) happens this year, it will be pandemonium. ESPN will be unwatchable. Sports talk radio will be unlistenable. Cocoa Puffs will be untasteable. It will be miserable. Even if it isn’t the Cornhuskers taking the rail, it will be miserable. WHY OH WHY CAN’T THEY AVOID THIS VERY POSIBLE DISASTER???
Corp of Engineers: We built you a nice levy.
New Orleanian: It is a nice levy. I love the levy.
Corp of Engineers: Yep…it’ll hold against most hurricanes.
New Orleanian: Most?
Corp of Engineers: Yeah, just not the really big ones.
New Orleanian: Is it possible that a big one will come?
Corp of Engineers: Well someday…yeah…for sure.
New Orleanian: Well what will happen if a big one comes?
Corp of Engineers: Total collapse. Total disaster. Total pandemonium. Rail to the gouch.
New Orleanian: Can’t we make the levy stronger?
Corp of Engineers: Well sure…I guess. But why don’t we just wait and see what happens. I mean so far, so good…right?
New Orleanian: You're f***ing loony, aren’t you? You have no concept of reality. I mean, you really are dumber than shit.
Monday, September 20, 2010
FMS Update
So the preliminary plan is for everyone to meet up for a month long vacation. Probably in late April or early May (we need to give everyone enough time to get yachts). Who would've thought we's all have YACHTS!!! Unreal. So we'll take our yachts down to the Cape Good Hope and then from there we'll head to .... what?...
You: Yeah, um I don't have a yacht.
Me: Yet? Do you mean you haven't gotten your yacht yet?
You: Well..actually...I'm not buying a yacht.
Me: (looking disapointed) Well then... who the hell's going to be my yachting buddies???? People with yachts??? Uh...no. People with yachts are freaking crazy. I'd never fit in. I'm just not that reckless. And I've only played a minimal amount of lacrosse. I'm much more of a beer guy...and not really much of a cocaine/prescription drugs guy.
You: Pipe down you psychopath. Why would I buy a yacht out of the blue? Yachts are pretty expensive you know.
Me: Just use some of your Free Money.
You: Free Money??
Me: Yeah. Just use a small portion of the money you got, for free, on Free Money Saturday. Then we can be cruising buddies.
You: Yeah, um I don't have a yacht.
Me: Yet? Do you mean you haven't gotten your yacht yet?
You: Well..actually...I'm not buying a yacht.
Me: (looking disapointed) Well then... who the hell's going to be my yachting buddies???? People with yachts??? Uh...no. People with yachts are freaking crazy. I'd never fit in. I'm just not that reckless. And I've only played a minimal amount of lacrosse. I'm much more of a beer guy...and not really much of a cocaine/prescription drugs guy.
You: Pipe down you psychopath. Why would I buy a yacht out of the blue? Yachts are pretty expensive you know.
Me: Just use some of your Free Money.
You: Free Money??
Me: Yeah. Just use a small portion of the money you got, for free, on Free Money Saturday. Then we can be cruising buddies.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Mini Rants
Instead of a full-sized rant this week, let’s do 5 mini rants.
Mini Rant #1
Washington sucks. September 18th, 2010 shall from this day be known as Free Money Saturday. FMS needs to be appreciated as it only comes once a year (on average). And it’s here!!! Horrayy!!! So sure, I have a little hop in my giddy-up. Actually I have a buttload of hop in my giddy-up. This line makes no freaking sense. Locker has a better chance of being concussed than winning this game. FMS. Book it.
Mini Rant #2
Why, after riding out Hurricane Ike 2 years ago and with full knowledge that many Houstonians were without power for WEEKS, do I still secretly root for Hurricanes to come right at us? I mean Ike was the craziest, scariest thing I’ve ever witnessed and the thought being without power for even a few days is terrible (especially during football season). But yeah, I secretly want a massive hurricane to come this way.
Mini Rant #3
The PPV for the Idaho game malfunctioned for the entire Houston viewing area. 200+ Husker fans sat in horror at the Houstonians for Huskers watch party, as the screen remained solid blue. We didn’t see a single snap of from the first half. Missed all the action. All of the pick 6s. TMagic’s big run. Missed it all. So my question is…who knows a lawyer? It’s an egregious offense and somebody needs to pay. How much, you ask? Well, we each paid $7 for an entry fee. And at one point during the first half I said “I’d pay $1000 dollars to watch this game”. So the game was worth about $1007 to me. Emotional damages are probably around $800. And we need to punish these villains (still trying to figure out who to sue) so we should add on $3193 in punitive damages. That will give us a nice round number of $5000. That seems fair. Oh and we could do one of those class-action thingies. Sign up a bunch of Husker Fans who suffered through that blue-screen-of-death ordeal. Now that I think about it, this is EXACTLY like Erin Brockovich...except substitute college football PPV and former Husker great Kris Brown (yup, he was there) for contaminated water and Julia Robert’s cleavage.
Mini Rant #4
As I mentioned, former Husker great Kris Brown was at the Houstonians for Huskers watch party with his wife and kids. Kris is living in Houston, waiting for his injured foot to heal, before he attempts to catch on with another NFL team…blah blah blah…not the point. Point is that Kris’s wife Amy grew up two houses down from me and would often babysit us. Hot babysitters were always appreciated, amirite?
Mini Rant #5
I just read Maurice Clarett’s Wikipedia page. Uhhh...hey Omaha Nighthawks...I’m not 100% sure signing this dude was a good idea. I know it’s a publicity stunt (there are no less than 100 better, available running backs in the world), but isn’t there a pretty good chance this is going to blow up in O-towns face? The guy was arrested with an AK-47 and a samurai sword. He was wearing Kevlar body armor. He had a half a bottle of vodka, and he was calling the police the N-word. Oh, but he did have one good year of football…8 years ago! Thank god we signed him fast…I’m sure his agent’s phone was ringing off the hook. Luckily for the community of Omaha, OJ Thunder and Laurence are unavailable this season.
I apologize for the lack of Husker talk this week, but Washington is going to be a cakewalk and last week I didn’t see the first half of the game. So not much to talk about. Enjoy your FMS!
Mini Rant #1
Washington sucks. September 18th, 2010 shall from this day be known as Free Money Saturday. FMS needs to be appreciated as it only comes once a year (on average). And it’s here!!! Horrayy!!! So sure, I have a little hop in my giddy-up. Actually I have a buttload of hop in my giddy-up. This line makes no freaking sense. Locker has a better chance of being concussed than winning this game. FMS. Book it.
Mini Rant #2
Why, after riding out Hurricane Ike 2 years ago and with full knowledge that many Houstonians were without power for WEEKS, do I still secretly root for Hurricanes to come right at us? I mean Ike was the craziest, scariest thing I’ve ever witnessed and the thought being without power for even a few days is terrible (especially during football season). But yeah, I secretly want a massive hurricane to come this way.
Mini Rant #3
The PPV for the Idaho game malfunctioned for the entire Houston viewing area. 200+ Husker fans sat in horror at the Houstonians for Huskers watch party, as the screen remained solid blue. We didn’t see a single snap of from the first half. Missed all the action. All of the pick 6s. TMagic’s big run. Missed it all. So my question is…who knows a lawyer? It’s an egregious offense and somebody needs to pay. How much, you ask? Well, we each paid $7 for an entry fee. And at one point during the first half I said “I’d pay $1000 dollars to watch this game”. So the game was worth about $1007 to me. Emotional damages are probably around $800. And we need to punish these villains (still trying to figure out who to sue) so we should add on $3193 in punitive damages. That will give us a nice round number of $5000. That seems fair. Oh and we could do one of those class-action thingies. Sign up a bunch of Husker Fans who suffered through that blue-screen-of-death ordeal. Now that I think about it, this is EXACTLY like Erin Brockovich...except substitute college football PPV and former Husker great Kris Brown (yup, he was there) for contaminated water and Julia Robert’s cleavage.
Mini Rant #4
As I mentioned, former Husker great Kris Brown was at the Houstonians for Huskers watch party with his wife and kids. Kris is living in Houston, waiting for his injured foot to heal, before he attempts to catch on with another NFL team…blah blah blah…not the point. Point is that Kris’s wife Amy grew up two houses down from me and would often babysit us. Hot babysitters were always appreciated, amirite?
Mini Rant #5
I just read Maurice Clarett’s Wikipedia page. Uhhh...hey Omaha Nighthawks...I’m not 100% sure signing this dude was a good idea. I know it’s a publicity stunt (there are no less than 100 better, available running backs in the world), but isn’t there a pretty good chance this is going to blow up in O-towns face? The guy was arrested with an AK-47 and a samurai sword. He was wearing Kevlar body armor. He had a half a bottle of vodka, and he was calling the police the N-word. Oh, but he did have one good year of football…8 years ago! Thank god we signed him fast…I’m sure his agent’s phone was ringing off the hook. Luckily for the community of Omaha, OJ Thunder and Laurence are unavailable this season.
I apologize for the lack of Husker talk this week, but Washington is going to be a cakewalk and last week I didn’t see the first half of the game. So not much to talk about. Enjoy your FMS!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Pay zat Man his Money
Jeeze…how does one follow up a passionate, hate-fueled rant about what is probably the most anticipated regular season Husker game this millennium? No seriously, give me a call with some ideas. Since I can’t do two FU UT rants in consecutive weeks, I guess we can talk about the Nebraska defense (this mofo knows better than to dedicate an entire post to how Taylor Martinez is the second coming...after one game...against a JV program...no matter how sexy his arm tattoos are). So how about that defense? Obviously, no one earned a Blackshirt after WKU racked up 300 yards.
Side rant: Are we seriously going to be subjected to week after week of dumb reporters and stubborn coaches going back and forth about something as trivial as when the damn Blackshirts are being handed out? C’mon Bo, give us a break and give the defensive starters freaking shirts that are freaking black. Yes folks, that was an actual criticism of Lord Bo Pelini. Luckily, other than the Blackshirt / no-Blackshirt pissing match and maybe the temper issue (which, for the record, I find his downright embarrassing at times), Bo is simply the best there is. End of side rant.
But yeah, the defense wasn’t very good in week 1. Good enough to pull out a coverlicious cover, but not good enough to excite the Husker faithful. I mean, I didn’t hear one SUUUUUUHHHHHH yodel the entire game. Say what? Suh what? Graduated? Lions? Oh no. Oh God no. NOOOOOO!!!! Haha, I kid. Obviously the loss of that ridiculous beast is going to be a huge factor this season. And I am ready to concede that our defense will not be as good as last year. Repeat: We will NOT be as good as last year on defense. Suh was a disruptive dude. No player or group of players is going to give us that…not this year…and maybe never again in our lives. No problem though. We are going to be a top defense. The non-quite-yet-but-soon-to-be-Blackshirts defense will get better every week and we should be ready for the big boys when the time comes (10/16/10). There is no possible way our offense can suck as bad as last year, so we are cool. And how about that AP ranking? Dang, I liked the 8 spot a little better. We’re getting some respect though…just not enough for ESPN to show one freaking Husker highlight all freaking week. Suck it ESPN.
So yeah, Bo Pelini is a defensive guru. Bo is soooo good, that I get a little worried about how much money other coaches, inferior coaches, make. Eventually, we need to pay this guy some money. But how much is enough??? Enter Jim Brazda and his brilliant mind. (Let’s do the conversation thingy again, as it seemed to work out well last week.)
Me: How much do you think NU should be prepared to pay Bo Pelini when the inevitable poaching attempts begin?
Brazda: As much as he wants. Seriously, as much as he freaking wants.
Me: Do you think Nebraska would be down with paying as much as Alabama pays Saban? Or USC pays Kiffin?
Brazda: They better. As much as he wants. And if the state of Nebraska needs to raise taxes to keep him, I have no problem with that. I’d be all for that.
Me: (Nodding in total 100% agreement)
Brazda: You know what they should do…they should put out jars at gas stations similar to the ones for crippled kids or cancer research. Except this jar would be for Nebraskans to voluntarily donate to the “Keep Pelini” fund.
Me: If I see that jar...I donate. Every. Single. Time. Honestly I’d have to fight the urge to hit the ATM if I didn’t have any cash.
Brazda: Yep. Sorry crippled kids. Daddy needs some Peso defense.
Side rant: Are we seriously going to be subjected to week after week of dumb reporters and stubborn coaches going back and forth about something as trivial as when the damn Blackshirts are being handed out? C’mon Bo, give us a break and give the defensive starters freaking shirts that are freaking black. Yes folks, that was an actual criticism of Lord Bo Pelini. Luckily, other than the Blackshirt / no-Blackshirt pissing match and maybe the temper issue (which, for the record, I find his downright embarrassing at times), Bo is simply the best there is. End of side rant.
But yeah, the defense wasn’t very good in week 1. Good enough to pull out a coverlicious cover, but not good enough to excite the Husker faithful. I mean, I didn’t hear one SUUUUUUHHHHHH yodel the entire game. Say what? Suh what? Graduated? Lions? Oh no. Oh God no. NOOOOOO!!!! Haha, I kid. Obviously the loss of that ridiculous beast is going to be a huge factor this season. And I am ready to concede that our defense will not be as good as last year. Repeat: We will NOT be as good as last year on defense. Suh was a disruptive dude. No player or group of players is going to give us that…not this year…and maybe never again in our lives. No problem though. We are going to be a top defense. The non-quite-yet-but-soon-to-be-Blackshirts defense will get better every week and we should be ready for the big boys when the time comes (10/16/10). There is no possible way our offense can suck as bad as last year, so we are cool. And how about that AP ranking? Dang, I liked the 8 spot a little better. We’re getting some respect though…just not enough for ESPN to show one freaking Husker highlight all freaking week. Suck it ESPN.
So yeah, Bo Pelini is a defensive guru. Bo is soooo good, that I get a little worried about how much money other coaches, inferior coaches, make. Eventually, we need to pay this guy some money. But how much is enough??? Enter Jim Brazda and his brilliant mind. (Let’s do the conversation thingy again, as it seemed to work out well last week.)
Me: How much do you think NU should be prepared to pay Bo Pelini when the inevitable poaching attempts begin?
Brazda: As much as he wants. Seriously, as much as he freaking wants.
Me: Do you think Nebraska would be down with paying as much as Alabama pays Saban? Or USC pays Kiffin?
Brazda: They better. As much as he wants. And if the state of Nebraska needs to raise taxes to keep him, I have no problem with that. I’d be all for that.
Me: (Nodding in total 100% agreement)
Brazda: You know what they should do…they should put out jars at gas stations similar to the ones for crippled kids or cancer research. Except this jar would be for Nebraskans to voluntarily donate to the “Keep Pelini” fund.
Me: If I see that jar...I donate. Every. Single. Time. Honestly I’d have to fight the urge to hit the ATM if I didn’t have any cash.
Brazda: Yep. Sorry crippled kids. Daddy needs some Peso defense.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Win one for Muss
Our Nebraska Cornhuskers start the season ranked 8th in the AP Poll. I’ll take it (as most NU fans will). And like most of you, I am happy with the state of the Husker program. However the phrase I keep hearing is that we aren’t “back” until our Huskers are playing for National Championships. Well, I have to disagree with that. I don’t care if we stay at this level for years and years. I don’t need another National Championship right this minute. I’m not dying for an appearance in the National Championship game. And hell, to be perfectly honest, I’m not even feening for a BCS birth. I got mine. 3 of them boyyyyyy!!!!!. As a lifelong Cub fan...I’m not about to be greedy. But I would like to be a top 15 team every single year. Yeah (grinning ear to ear), being a perennial power is a REQUIREMENT. This isn’t Missouri. This isn’t Texas Tech or Ole Miss or Arkansas or Iowa or Wisconsin. This is Nebraska. It is important we are good at football. We should all thank God that Tom Osborne lost in his gubernatorial run, thus freeing him up to fix this shit (but that doesn’t make sense because…well you know…T.O. is God). But in my opinion we are back. We are back to where I know we are good. And I know we will be good next year. And I know we will be good the year after that. Pheww. Seriously. Time to kick back and root for the best. Except for one thing…
We need to beat Texas. For so many reasons. At the top of the long list of reasons we need to beat Texas, is Ben Mussmann. Nebraska needs to beat Texas for me. Nebraska is jetting to the Big 10 after this season, so there is no “next year”. That being said, please scratch that entire first paragraph. This particular season I feel a buttload of urgency. We need to beat Texas. And if we play Texas again in December, we need to beat them again. So if we are going to beat Texas twice, we may as well just run the table and go play Ohio State for all the marbles.
I’ve been in Houston for the last 5 years (and if you don’t know, now you know) and for the most part I really like it down here. The biggest headache about living is Texas is the amount of shit I take from Longhorn fans on a regular basis. Honest to T.O. It isn’t the heat or the traffic or the van loads of illegal aliens…it’s the freaking Longhorn fans. They are superior and the Skers are a 2nd tier program. They act like it has been that way forever. Now I am not trying to sound like a pussy. I mean I rarely, rarely call my mom crying about being picked on by the mean Texas boys. I understand them. They have beaten us 124 times in a row. I would probably hold my nose in the air too. But kicking their ass would be freaking awesome.
Here is an example conversation between Texas Doucher (TD) and me:
TD: So, your Cornhuskers got tired of getting pounded by Texas and decided to bolt to the pussy-ass Big 10, eh?
Me: I like the move (breathing deeply through the nose).
TD: Yeah, I think you guys could do well there. You will have a much better shot than you do in the Big 12.
Me: F*** YOU! (It really doesn’t take long for me to lose my cool anymore.) We are going to kick your ass this year and then take our f***ing title belt with us to the f***ing Big 10. You and Oklahoma can keep jerking each other off while Baylor and ISU watch.
TD: Nebraska sucks.
I’ve had this exact conversation roughly 87 times in the last 6 months. Last Saturday, it went to another level and I bet some TD that Nebraska would win in Lincoln. Mussmann make a bet??? Noooo. Yeah, I’ve been known to make a bet or two. But this one is ridiculous. Loser has to eat an entire bar of soap (yellow Dial). Now of course this was a drunken bet that I regret making…but no backing out now. I don’t know the ramifications of eating an entire bar of soap, but I’m guessing multiple vomits and possible hospitalization may be involved (on the bright side, maybe some bubbly farts???). I’m not worried about that. I’m worried that I will have to listen to TD after TD talk for years to come about how Nebraska tucked tail and ran...to get away from Texas...Nebraska = Pussies. OMG we have to win! Or should I say, OMTO we have to win!
We need to beat Texas. For so many reasons. At the top of the long list of reasons we need to beat Texas, is Ben Mussmann. Nebraska needs to beat Texas for me. Nebraska is jetting to the Big 10 after this season, so there is no “next year”. That being said, please scratch that entire first paragraph. This particular season I feel a buttload of urgency. We need to beat Texas. And if we play Texas again in December, we need to beat them again. So if we are going to beat Texas twice, we may as well just run the table and go play Ohio State for all the marbles.
I’ve been in Houston for the last 5 years (and if you don’t know, now you know) and for the most part I really like it down here. The biggest headache about living is Texas is the amount of shit I take from Longhorn fans on a regular basis. Honest to T.O. It isn’t the heat or the traffic or the van loads of illegal aliens…it’s the freaking Longhorn fans. They are superior and the Skers are a 2nd tier program. They act like it has been that way forever. Now I am not trying to sound like a pussy. I mean I rarely, rarely call my mom crying about being picked on by the mean Texas boys. I understand them. They have beaten us 124 times in a row. I would probably hold my nose in the air too. But kicking their ass would be freaking awesome.
Here is an example conversation between Texas Doucher (TD) and me:
TD: So, your Cornhuskers got tired of getting pounded by Texas and decided to bolt to the pussy-ass Big 10, eh?
Me: I like the move (breathing deeply through the nose).
TD: Yeah, I think you guys could do well there. You will have a much better shot than you do in the Big 12.
Me: F*** YOU! (It really doesn’t take long for me to lose my cool anymore.) We are going to kick your ass this year and then take our f***ing title belt with us to the f***ing Big 10. You and Oklahoma can keep jerking each other off while Baylor and ISU watch.
TD: Nebraska sucks.
I’ve had this exact conversation roughly 87 times in the last 6 months. Last Saturday, it went to another level and I bet some TD that Nebraska would win in Lincoln. Mussmann make a bet??? Noooo. Yeah, I’ve been known to make a bet or two. But this one is ridiculous. Loser has to eat an entire bar of soap (yellow Dial). Now of course this was a drunken bet that I regret making…but no backing out now. I don’t know the ramifications of eating an entire bar of soap, but I’m guessing multiple vomits and possible hospitalization may be involved (on the bright side, maybe some bubbly farts???). I’m not worried about that. I’m worried that I will have to listen to TD after TD talk for years to come about how Nebraska tucked tail and ran...to get away from Texas...Nebraska = Pussies. OMG we have to win! Or should I say, OMTO we have to win!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)