Reader Emails, 00:01, and Soap

This week I’ll be answering a few of the countless emails I’ve received from our blog readers over the last few weeks. Thanks for all your support and keep sending me your questions and feedback. On to the emails…

Q: Does Taylor Martinez actually have a shot at the Heisman?
-- Craig, Lincoln, NE

BM: Yep. But not this year. He is going to make a few too many mistakes in 2010. However, T-Magic is a shoo-in for El Trofeo Jeisman (or as we call it here in the States, the Latino Heisman).

Q: Hey douchebag, how come you didn’t post a rant before the KSU game? It’s not like you had an extra fricken week to do so.
-- Mike, Omaha, NE

BM: I was on vacation with your mom.

Q: A buddy of mine, who was born and raised in Elkhorn, NE and is a life-long Husker fan, recently decided to attend UT for college. Is it within my rights, as a fellow Nebraskan, to light his car on fire?
--LaMarcus, Omaha, NE

BM: Umm…you see…I can’t say that I really blame your friend. Austin, TX is a FANTASTIC town. I absolutely love visiting there and would move to Austin in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself. I just got back from Austin City Limits Music Festival (3 days, 8 stages, over 130 bands) and had a blast, despite all the dirty hippies (or maybe because of all the dirty hippies?). So I would say torching his car would be a no-no. However, you could nail his girlfriend a few times after he leaves for Austin. That’d be fair.

Q: Do Texas fans think Mac Brown is a better coach than Bo Pelini?
--Jebediah, Santa Cruz, CA

BM: That is a good fucking question. I can’t imagine they would ever admit it…but I bet deep down they know that both Stoops and Bo are smarter, better coaches. Hell of a talker that Mac Brown though. I actually enjoy listening to him and his goofy-ass drawl and can see why parents send their kids off to play for him. So as a figurehead leader…Mac is probably better than either of his two rivals. If I were the University of Texas, I’d give Mac an honorary doctorates degree…that way he could go by Doc Brown and could charm recruits by spouting gems like … “Roads? Where we’re going we don’t need roads.”

Q: Do you think Texas’s consecutive losses will have an impact on how the Huskers view this game? Could there be a tiny bit less motivation for Nebraska? And how do you like your chances in the soap bet?
--Lt. James Clark, US Marine Corps, Kabul, Afghanistan

BM: Lt. Clark, first of all I’d like to thank you for writing in all the way from Afghanistan. I really appreciate you and what you are doing for our country. God Bless America. But sir, what makes you think that, just because you are in the armed services, that you get to ask 3 fucking questions? Do you know how many emails I get? Do you know how lucky people are to get just one question answered by me? Obviously not. Oh well…just this once I’ll answer your questions. Just don’t bother writing in again, okay?

Anyway…do you really think Bo Pelini cares that Texas has lost 2 straight? You think Watson cares? Carl? The team? Nope. None of them care. To them, this game is still about 00:01. It’s still about unfinished business. It’s still about Nebraska taking the next step. We will be focused. We will be poised. We will be determined. If our rookie QB and our untested offense struggle on Saturday (very possible), I think the Blackshirts will still find a way to win this game. The 10 point spread is justified (and smart betters will give the points). We have the better team. We have the home crowd. We have the momentum, the focus, and the motivation. So don’t compare this to Alabama vs South Carolina. This one is a done deal. This mofo will not be eating soap.