Win one for Muss

Our Nebraska Cornhuskers start the season ranked 8th in the AP Poll. I’ll take it (as most NU fans will). And like most of you, I am happy with the state of the Husker program. However the phrase I keep hearing is that we aren’t “back” until our Huskers are playing for National Championships. Well, I have to disagree with that. I don’t care if we stay at this level for years and years. I don’t need another National Championship right this minute. I’m not dying for an appearance in the National Championship game. And hell, to be perfectly honest, I’m not even feening for a BCS birth. I got mine. 3 of them boyyyyyy!!!!!. As a lifelong Cub fan...I’m not about to be greedy. But I would like to be a top 15 team every single year. Yeah (grinning ear to ear), being a perennial power is a REQUIREMENT. This isn’t Missouri. This isn’t Texas Tech or Ole Miss or Arkansas or Iowa or Wisconsin. This is Nebraska. It is important we are good at football. We should all thank God that Tom Osborne lost in his gubernatorial run, thus freeing him up to fix this shit (but that doesn’t make sense because…well you know…T.O. is God). But in my opinion we are back. We are back to where I know we are good. And I know we will be good next year. And I know we will be good the year after that. Pheww. Seriously. Time to kick back and root for the best. Except for one thing…

We need to beat Texas. For so many reasons. At the top of the long list of reasons we need to beat Texas, is Ben Mussmann. Nebraska needs to beat Texas for me. Nebraska is jetting to the Big 10 after this season, so there is no “next year”. That being said, please scratch that entire first paragraph. This particular season I feel a buttload of urgency. We need to beat Texas. And if we play Texas again in December, we need to beat them again. So if we are going to beat Texas twice, we may as well just run the table and go play Ohio State for all the marbles.

I’ve been in Houston for the last 5 years (and if you don’t know, now you know) and for the most part I really like it down here. The biggest headache about living is Texas is the amount of shit I take from Longhorn fans on a regular basis. Honest to T.O. It isn’t the heat or the traffic or the van loads of illegal aliens…it’s the freaking Longhorn fans. They are superior and the Skers are a 2nd tier program. They act like it has been that way forever. Now I am not trying to sound like a pussy. I mean I rarely, rarely call my mom crying about being picked on by the mean Texas boys. I understand them. They have beaten us 124 times in a row. I would probably hold my nose in the air too. But kicking their ass would be freaking awesome.

Here is an example conversation between Texas Doucher (TD) and me:

TD: So, your Cornhuskers got tired of getting pounded by Texas and decided to bolt to the pussy-ass Big 10, eh?

Me: I like the move (breathing deeply through the nose).

TD: Yeah, I think you guys could do well there. You will have a much better shot than you do in the Big 12.

Me: F*** YOU! (It really doesn’t take long for me to lose my cool anymore.) We are going to kick your ass this year and then take our f***ing title belt with us to the f***ing Big 10. You and Oklahoma can keep jerking each other off while Baylor and ISU watch.

TD: Nebraska sucks.

I’ve had this exact conversation roughly 87 times in the last 6 months. Last Saturday, it went to another level and I bet some TD that Nebraska would win in Lincoln. Mussmann make a bet??? Noooo. Yeah, I’ve been known to make a bet or two. But this one is ridiculous. Loser has to eat an entire bar of soap (yellow Dial). Now of course this was a drunken bet that I regret making…but no backing out now. I don’t know the ramifications of eating an entire bar of soap, but I’m guessing multiple vomits and possible hospitalization may be involved (on the bright side, maybe some bubbly farts???). I’m not worried about that. I’m worried that I will have to listen to TD after TD talk for years to come about how Nebraska tucked tail and ran...to get away from Texas...Nebraska = Pussies. OMG we have to win! Or should I say, OMTO we have to win!